Kaz breaks foot, is this far behind?

by David Weesner

As bassist Kasim Sulton nurses a broken foot suffered while leaping a few inches onstage, the Power Trio tour was dealt another blow Saturday when group leader Todd Rundgren fell and broke his hip.

"Actually, he broke his hip and fell," physician Dan Phillips reported. "It ís very common in people with his condition."

Rundgren's "condition" is osteoporosis, a degenerative bone disorder that afflicts people as they age. Although press releases describe the rocker's age as 52, carbon dating suggests that his true age may be closer to "dirt," according to archeologist David Weesner. "We sampled some coke syrup that was in that glass there and the saccharine," Weesner stated, "and that alone pre-dated the Great Depression."

For his part, Rundgren remained upbeat as he was interviewed during a session with his occupational therapist. "I don't think this will slow me down at all," he said. "I was having trouble using the walker at first, but it's fine now that they put those little wheels on the front. We're going to add 'The Wheel' to our set list in their honor. Of course, I'll have trouble reading the set list until I get my cataract operation."

"The second leg of the tour will be called the 'Power Wheelchair Trio.' We figure since we"re all using those little mall scooters that it was appropriate."

Rundgren denies that the passage of time has diminished his youthful outlook, despite the fact that he has renamed one of his new songs "Hey! You Kids Keep Off My Buffalo Grass!" Although he has purposely dyed his hair blue in the past, he says his current look was the result of a poor attempt at covering the gray. "That's what I get for using the store brand hair coloring."

The Power Wheelchair Trio has been pleasing their audiences with live, stripped-down versions of Real Man (Thanks to Viagra), Hello It's Me-Turn Up Your Hearing Aid, You're Fast & Slow Down Before You Kill Somebody, and Pacemaker In My Heart. The crowd reacts wildly to Bang on the Nurse Call Button All Day, and his newest release, I Hate My Frickin' Medicare Provider. The only problems at the shows have been a shortage of handicapped parking spaces, and several members of the crowd shouting "turn that noise down, for crissakes!"

For now, the Trio continues to roll along despite its setbacks. If they come to your city, see them. Before it's too late.